just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize