I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
