one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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