You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
