It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
