why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
