i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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