What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
