he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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