yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
