1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
