Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
