so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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