I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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