Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
