i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
