She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
