i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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