So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
