Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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