Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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