I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
