i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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