If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
