dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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