he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
