my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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