She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
