I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This is classic penis vs brain.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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