direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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