Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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