Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
