Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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