This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
