3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Never underestimate the power of titties
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
