i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize