Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
