When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
