amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
