Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
