he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
