wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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