if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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