Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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