Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
