break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
