I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
