Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
