Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
