she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
