my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
