So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
