My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
