I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
