hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
