9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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