do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
