whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
