shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's always time for handjobs
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
