I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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