he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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