I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
