hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
