since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
