And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
