the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
