Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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