yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
