If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
