Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
