We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
