Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize