i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
