ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
