in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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