He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
