So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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