When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
